she's breathing like i'm holding a light

"You came," I remember him saying.

We never left, we said.

I can't remember what else happened, but Metatron broke the seal in my hand and I can't move my fingers. I'm still bleeding, I think. We are hanging from the Tree, the elements are disordered, but We are I am this is face down in bed, and Eurydice is with Us and she was not touched --

I should have killed him, but I could not. I could do not but try to worse-than-kill him, to create Nothingness, it was poor discipline, but We did, We opened a hole in the world.

We can't move. She can't move. Laudanum kills the pain and stills the agents, but no reversal was ever like this, and there are holes in me, I can feel the madness blowing its breath through the spaces, and I want, I want, I need to relinquish consciousness, but We can't.

We can hardly breathe, but she was not touched, and We never left --

Sometimes in my delusion, as my flesh is knitting up, I am being held. Mercedes is cradling me, with her arms around my neck, her arms around my neck and We can't breathe and then I hold Eury's hand in Thanatos', we hold the fuck on and we are all still here and still real and in Our own name, We are winning, and as long as I don't say things like goodbye Mercedes or Father forgive me or please or that's the end of that we'll be fine. We'll be fine. 

There is blood in my mouth, and the flavor of it, somehow, keeps me from overdosing, and We stay awake, We come in and out, but We are here. In my sister's bed? On The Star's front porch? In a hotel with Phineas, and she's spelling words on my belly, drawing lines on my back? In a hospital, somewhere, yet again? In the front seat of Shannon's Jeep, blood in my mouth and salt in my eyes? Oh, save me, girl, save me -- no, no We don't need --

Come back inside, and my voice sounds like my father's, black soldier (do I call March?) on the back patio, and I'm running -- no, Metatron is running, and I'm calling him --

It's all the same, this is here, we are here, Eury, Eury, and because my lips can't move well, it sounds like the four-letter name of God and it sounds like I have you, Eurydice and God's kingdom both.

We will not let go. We will not go. We never left.

We never left.
.
--

You’ve got your hair down
I heard that you can kill things
You’ve got your hair down

I heard you’re killing armies now

So don’t let your head get too big
Don’t let your party go
I’m really not going to bed today
I’ve nothing else to do
But no one said I can’t put up a fight
That’s why she’s breathing like I’m holding a light