breaking point
Junior, it's your cousin, Marius says on the voicemail, and I can tell he's dead sober, and this message, for once, won't be him bragging about Jill's this or that.
Listen, he says. You know you're my blood and I love you, but fuck, you getting born was like a curse on this fucking family. From the minute your mama died.
Strange. Does he mean for that to hurt me?
Why was it Mercedes, Brande? And now I know something's up with him, because I don't know that he's ever asked me this, let alone over the phone. Maybe this is the only way he can ask it. They say plenty of girls liked you at the lake, and I could have introduced you to some women, so why was it your fucking sister? I mean, half-sister or otherwise, still --
To me, the bigger why here is why he's asking me this now. It's quiet in the background, so I know he must be alone. The time on the machine says 5:58 AM, and he's almost never up at that hour. He sounds strange, pained and for the first time in decades, I feel the faint ache of old, old anger. Like he takes Mercedes and me personally, like he's making it about him.
My sister had nothing to do with this ridiculous idea of family Vega clings to to excuse his own fucking sins. My sister belonged under my father's roof no more than I did; she belonged in this world no more than I do, and so I feel anger the sort of which I'd forgotten that he can take ownership of her, with this royal we he likes to use when discussing the plight of my poor parents -- and he's never had the stones to say this to me before.
And maybe we shouldn't have handled it like that. Well, your father and Amelie. I know, I know you weren't happy as a kid, Brande, I'm not saying it's all your fault --
Jesus Christ, get to the point, Vega.
And, like, with Naomi -- don't you think about that, though? You never even seemed unhappy, you just moved.
Mm-hmm.
Look. You're not normal, we know, all right, and I've always tried to understand your ass, but this shit with Jill is a little much.
Oh. She must have told him something.
Whatever you did, I need you to fix it. Because, you know, we're the ones who've been paying for your curse for years, and I don't want it on her, I don't want it on my son.
Marius is being very superstitious. Maybe, maybe he's right, though. About me being a curse. Did the Ten choose me for this from the time I was born? I don't like the idea that I didn't choose this; that I didn't choose Mercedes, choose alchemy. I don't like this at all.
If you're going to go on doing this thing you do, there's nothing I can do about it. But frankly, Brande, there ain't shit you can do for me, whether you're the son of my Mama's sister or not, that makes it worthwhile for me and mine to suffer for it. So you either fucking change, Brande, or we're going to need to renegotiate some things, you and I.
Whatever you did to Jill, fucking fix it. I know better than to get you to give a shit about anything other than yourself, but when you start taking from my fucking house --
He's angry. He's really angry.
Get the fuck out of her head, Brande.
Wouldn't I like to. He's got no idea.
You and I are going to talk, Brande. And you're going to explain this shit to me, and then we're going to decide what to do about it, you and I. I'm coming over tonight, and I want you to be truthful, for once. The shit you don't like to talk about, you're going to fucking talk about, or else you and I are done, Brande.
Pause. Something like that is hard for him to say, even to me.
Sorry, he says. But I've done everything for you I can do, you know?
There is nothing that can be done, Vega. There is nothing I can do, not for Jill nor for myself nor for any curses,imagined or otherwise. He'll be disappointed.
