arbitrary blackness
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
At my sister's grave, all the flowers are dead. There aren't so much as petals left.
It's just the stone and I, and the earth hard cold so that it burns through my clothes where I lie here, feeling the weight of my body on the frozen earth. There is me, and the weight of ten inside me, and yet we're not altogether heavy enough, not yet, to press through the ice ground to her.
There was still a little light left when we came here (Eury, still in the car), and now it's dark. I keep expecting to see a Philosopher's Stone on a chain draped over Mercedes' marker -- my gift to Phin. I remember her trying to leave it here in the summer. That girl, as if she knew, as if she knew that I'd be here in winter, without her.
I made her take it with her -- that heart of mine, I gave her -- but now I dearly wish I'd let her leave it, still holding the sunwarm of her skin and the scent of her hair, for me tonight.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
Sacrilege, my sister. I'm sorry.
Bury me, Mercedes. Here, with you.
Let me go, Love.
I can't
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
This is where I stay until the sun begins to show this shallow tease, this smudge of light, on the horizon. Like an angel's halo, like a resurrection, and I get up from her grave.
I am unharmed, I am untouched, the Ten are waiting silently in line, and I can't call this over yet.
How much more, Mercedes? How much more?
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
